That pretty much sums up what has seemed to be the day that never ends. Its ONLY 3:30 now, and I feel like I might die. Today is Day 1 of round 3 on Clomid. I took the 150mg dose like I was instructed and I swear my ovaries are trying to explode. I can LITERALLY feel them pulsing with every ache they are causing. Not to mention that I have wicked heartburn and STUPID hiccups today. Once I get hiccups I have them ALLLLL day. On a day that never ends is just no bueno. This morning I was in a great mood, just fine and dandy till about 9:45am, then BAM! Pain hits. This drug is just no fun, it’s like I can feel myself getting depressed and I keep trying to think happy thoughts to make it pass but then my eyes flood with tears for no reason. I just don’t get it.
To make matters worse, I just don’t feel pretty anymore. I used to think I was at least a 7 on the 1-10 scale but nowadays I feel closer to a 3. This makes me sad. It makes me sad that I don’t even like to take my clothes off to take a shower, it makes me sad that my poor husband has to see me every day and think “she was so much prettier when we got married” Now I know he doesn’t REALLY think that but that’s what I feel like he should think. None of my pants fit, I hate feeling fat. I miss being skinny. I miss having energy, I miss dancing. Stupid clomid and its “may cause weight gain”.
What’s really funny about it, other than it messes with your emotions it can also PREVENT you from having a baby. That’s right, the drug they give you to help you get pregnant can also in some cases prevent it! Funny little pill huh? Again I just don’t get it.
I also don’t get my new need to shop, not at the store but online. I have never liked shopping online before but now I always want something. (Again my poor husband.) I did get two new outfits last night. I can’t wait to get them in. Now I need boots. See already have something else I need. It’s a disease.
This is our anniversary weekend! That I am excited and proud of! I feel like I have accomplished something huge! I don’t even know why it’s so awesome to me but it just is. We have had so many trials and bumps in the road and rude stupid ex’s all trying to break us apart. We stood strong. And we now get to say THREE YEARS! Gosh that sounds good doesn’t it? Let’s say it again 3 years! 3! Tres! I know this is so silly but whatever it’s my blog and I can say what I want. I don’t even know if people read this. I mean I know Silky and Em, and BBF do every now and then but I don’t think I have “readers” that I don’t personally know. If I do, thank you for reading. If not ohh well this is for me.
If you are looking for other blogs to read I highly recommend these:
http://lnfoster.blogspot.com/
http://myhappyfacesadface.blogspot.com/
http://thehappylifeplan.blogspot.com/
Now only one of these three is still trying. And I am so so happy for the other two and maybe just the slightest bit of jealous but the third one I really relate to. So happy reading. J
One day we will be a family with a two legged baby but for now it’s still the four legged family for us. And it works. I just want/need more. I even think of names all the time. I currently love the name Henley for a little girl, or Harper. I was thinking I would put them together and her initials would be HHH. Cute right? But then it was pointed out that she could be called “Hen” for short. And that they didn’t really like that so she said “Henley Grace” because I like the name Grace too. But then her initials would be HGH, and Robb said Umm Human Growth Hormone no thanks lol. We do have our boys name picked out. Weston Garner Hargis-Hanner. I know its long but we have the last names because we are both the last of our names line. I’m not even that close with my dad but it just seems like the right thing to do. I would much prefer a boy now, I used to always want a little girl but rob my husband I would love to give him a boy. Someone to play baseball with, someone to carry on our names ect…. It’s nice to get caught up in this “pretend world”. I swear everyone but me is pregnant or have children. I know all infertiles’ think like this so at least I know I’m not 100% alone in that.
Little side note: the dinner I spoke of in the post before this one was pretty awesome, and we had a lot of fun. I went to bed however before the boys were out the door. I was Le Tired.
Also yesterday was my mother’s 51st birthday. I know you know she is staying with us as of 33 days now. The original plan was only 30 days. I overheard her saying it might be closer to 60 now. I don’t think she will stay with us that long though. Anyhow we took her to Fish Daddy’s for a birthday dinner. It was really good. And then we came home and watched TVD and lit the pretty fire place. It was a nice night.
When I woke up this morning I have every intention of going to the gym but it’s totally not happening now. Stupid Clomid. We have so many things to do tomorrow. And by “we” I really mean I. I have to get mom to her 2pm appointment that is clear across town. And then wait for an hour and take her back home. Hopefully look at some new kitchen tables and then go see grandma. Poor Diego got attacked by her fiancés dog. He had 3 drainage tubs and 25 staples if that tells you anything. L but grandma said the vet said “ it looks worse than it is” which is good.
I will leave ya what my two new outfits will be. (hopefully they look that good on me)
P.S. its now only 4:05pm. UGH :P
Until next time XOXO
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