My First Birchbox!!

I don't know if you all have heard of this or not but I wanted to check it out. If you google it, it will take you right to the site. anyhow, for $10 a month you get samples of popular products sent to you. This is a monthly charge but i figure for $10 a month not to bad. I mean I pay double that for a gym membership that I never use. ( I always have the best intentions when I start that and then yeah....) So back to the Birchbox! I just wanted to share some pics of what all I got. Its always fun to get things in the mail. 

                                           This is what it looks like when it come in the mail. 

This is what it looks like when it come in the mail. Then when you open that up you get this. 

Open again and Funness!!

they send you a little thank you and then a card that tells you what everything is. and how much it is for a full size one. inside the pretty blue thing was this. 

I just love this polish. Lets get a closer look. 

That's better! 

That's all for this post! 

XOXO

A little update...

I have been informed that I haven’t “Blogged in a week!”  So I guess that means it’s time for me to update this thing.

 

I am not even sure where to start; we have been so busy here lately. Let’s see what I can come up with here.

 

I had to get my second set of Clomid filled, for some reason as soon as I got it, I just went downhill. I was so upset and couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Robb was super sweet about it all and did his best to make me feel better. I haven’t started my new cycle yet but just having to be ready for the just in case is fairly depressing for me I guess. But that feeling has passed. Onward I go in this journey!

 

Friday I planned to clean the house and Leah came over to spend some time with me. I hadn’t seen her in forever so it was nice to get some “silky time” in. I clearly didn’t get any cleaning done but I DID get most of the laundry done, so I felt like I did something.  Then our friend Kyle came over. Robb and he had a fire on the patio; it was a nice night for it. I didn’t stay out there too long though, I had fallen asleep so I was fairly cranky when I did go out there to try and enjoy the fire.

Saturday we were so busy! We got up and grabbed some breakfast at Starbucks then went to Lowes to get some “Dexter” plastic, pansy’s and mulch.  Then headed home to start on the yard work, we started in the front and I cleaned up the flowerbed and trimmed up the crate myrtle. Then we trimmed up the big tree/bush thing on the side which took a while and was more work than we expected, cleaned up that mess and then I planted the pansies in the front. Watered, swept up the porch, sidewalk and drive way and called it good up there. Next it was time to start on the back yard. My backyard job was to paint the mortar in the patio and Robb was fixing the mulch beds. I didn’t think I would get sunburnt because I wasn’t out there that long but I did. I ran out of paint (thankfully) so my yard work was done, other than to help Robb hold down the plastic here and there.  After we called it good, we took a shower and then started getting ready for the night.

 

My dad and step mom brought over the box they made for me/Leah for her Gender Reveal coming up. It’s so perfect. We showed her the guest bathroom as it’s the newest room we have painted and then what all we have done to the back yard. Then we headed to Joe Momma’s to meet up with Michael, Cassidy and her youngest boy for dinner. Michael Ordered the T-Rex and we way later got our Betty White Pizza, I don’t know why but I just can’t get enough of the Pizza right now. (It’s going to be my lunch today too). After dinner we went back home to play games, which Cass and I killed at. I love when she comes to play games with us. Makes the game nights so much more fun! I just love her. We played games until almost 2 am. Which is SUPER late for me.  But it was a lot of fun.

 

Sunday, Robb and I just spent most of the morning in bed, which was wonderful. Then when we finally got around he had his softball games, He of course played very well and our friend Krystal came out to watch him, so I didn’t have to sit alone. After the games were over we had to run to Home Depo to get some more mulch and paint for me, and headed home for a bit.  Later on we went over to Jessica’s to have dinner and watch some football! Dinner was FANTASTIC! And we stayed till almost ten just watching the game and talking with her. I think Robb’s little girlfriend broke up with him, Aubrey, Jessica’s 6 year old, has until last night been in love with him. It was kind of cute.

 

I have also been listening to Nicholas Sparks new Book “The Longest Ride” I am loving it. But I have always loved his book.  

That’s pretty much it for now. Things to come are more blood work on Thursday and all this week we will be trying to finish the patio and I will try to actually clean the house. I am looking forward to this weekend! I can’t wait to see what Leah is going to have!

 

Until Next time!

XOXO

 

Blood work round 2!!

OUCH!! OUCH!! OUCH!!

Ok, okay. Normally I am not such a baby, but man. I had to get stuck twice this go round. They could get any blood to come out on the left side so the right side got poked. And that side actually hurts.  Still.  Usually it’s just the poke and then okay I am done and good to go. This time, Ouch! Just ouch.

 

 

I did get the nerve to ask Nurse Jan some questions this time, she isn’t the one who takes my blood so I had to wait a bit to see her. I feel a little better now. I asked her why the level 29 was “ok” apparently it was pretty low, normal is in the 40s but she also said it can change several times in a day. The FH level is what’s more important and mine was good. So I don’t have anything to worry about on that end.  I also asked why we are not doing ultrasounds to see the follicles and egg, she said that is something the blood work can tell us and normally that is done with Fertility Clinics. I also asked again about what the point of this Clomid Challenge is, and she said that Clomid blocks the hormones that send the message to the ovaries to make and release the eggs. So when I stop taking it my body will send a rush of LH to make it release and drop. So I think todays’ blood work should show that. The last question I asked was how long will we do this? Her answer was 6 months. If I don’t get pregnant from us doing this for 6 months then I will be referred out to a fertility clinic.  This is a lot longer than I wanted to hear but at LEAST I have a time line now, and a little bit of hope. I don’t really WANT to have to go through this crazy roller coaster 5 more times, but if it gives us a child and I’m able to make Robb a father then it will be so worth it.

 

 

I know in my bones that I am meant to be a mother. Robb was made to be a father. If you could only see him with kids, it’s just so amazing. I don’t want to be the reason he can’t have that. I know he loves me no matter what but I want to be able to do this for him, for me, for us. I want us to be a family. I want this so bad.

 

 

Until that magical day happens I just have to keep praying and lean on my husband and friends. I just hope they don’t get too tired of hearing me cry.

 

 

That’s all for now.

 

 

Keep the faith!

 

Sunday is *MY* Day!

This is what I had to tell my husband a few times on Sunday. He is always so busy, and it was my first full day off Clomid and you know what, it WAS going to be MY day. And so it was. :) I like when I win.

Friday, was pay day so I Bought my next TVD Photo Ops picture, we are going to the Orlando Convention in December. So I am slowly getting those now. Then we want to Hideaway Pizza with Kyle and came back to the house and had a fire in the fire-pit outside. It was actually pretty freaking cold so I ended up going back in the house and fell asleep.

Saturday, I was just so angry. I had zero reason to be but I just was. Robb and I had to go get dog food, and come coffee Creamer (finally) and then even in my awful mean mood. He took me to Kohls and I was able to get 4 new shirts~ super exciting. Its pretty rare lately that I even find things I like to wear or want to spend the money on. Then he talked me into going to his work with him. I was told it was only going to be an hour, almost THREE hours later we were still at this job. UGH! He finally took us home, and then he has to go do some other side work at Kyles' Dads house so he took my car and all keys and left again. So I was stuck at the house. It was really the only place I wanted to be, however, I don't like not being able to go somewhere if I wanted to. Case in point, Stu and Michael invited me to a late lunch hang out and I couldn't go because I had no car. Later that Night Krystal came over and Robb FINALLY got home. We all stayed up and talked for awhile and then ended up watching Now you See me. This was the 3rd time I have watched this movie. I really liked it, hoping they make a second one and by the little bit after the credits I think they will!

Finally, Sunday! We had so much going on. It was a GREAT day. No crazy hormones, no bad mood, just funness and YAY! Robb helped me set up my printer at work, and then we watched some football, I mostly napped. and then we had tickets to the Blue Man Group. ( a last minute type of plan with Krystal!)

We had decided, and by we I totally mean me, to go to dinner before hand, and we want to Joe Momma's Pizza. I currently cannot get enough of the "Betty White" Pizza. I don't know why but its just so amazing. So we had that and of COURSE Fried Pickles. because I can never get enough of those as well. 

                

After Dinner, we walked or more likely mad rushed to the PAC, we didn't want to be late. We walked in at the 3 minuets to show time was being called. Found our seats in the VERY middle sat down and the show started. It was so much fun! If you have the chance to see this show I highly recommend going. BUT don't be late! They will point it out and I would have DIED had that been us it happened to. towards the end they have this super fun crazy "Dance party" it was so pretty. I had Robb sneak a picture. :) 

It was so awesome! 

After the show we went to look for a magnet because that is out thing but the line was crazy long and I just didnt want to wait, so we were about to leave and I told Robb " I bet the Blue Men come out and take pictures" and sure enough they did, and one came over RIGHT by us! So we snapped a pic and left. :) 

I think its pretty cute! 

We had to walk right by the Max to get back to our cars and we were already out so we stopped in for a bit, I had to TWO Gem's which I have to stop drinking, it gives me the worst heart burn. and Kelsey and I did this drink called a speed racer which was pretty fun. Then we headed home. Such a fun night! 

                      

                     

Lastly, I am now 2-0 in my Fantasy Football League! :) I beat my husband week one, and then my brother in law this week! Its actually pretty fun/ ( when you are winning) I better go, got to get to work and then I have my blood work today! 

Have a Happy Monday all! 

XOXO

Happy Friday the 13th

Let’s just start with last night was weird. I was way to upset about running out of coffee creamer which that in addition to almost no sleep the night before just made for a disastrous day.  Nothing seemed to go right, everything was upsetting or stressful. When the work day was finally over I was more than happy to go home, and watch the rain.  But then Robb had to work late and that bothered me, I just wanted him home with me.  He stopped and got us dinner at KFC and gave it all to me while I was in bed ( yes I know ladies I am spoiled I really have such an amazing husband, I am aware of how lucky I am and I love it). I just wanted him to just be in there with me, but he kept working and doing other things and said I was being difficult just to be difficult. I know this isn’t the easiest on him either but it’s not HIS body that is dealing with added hormones.  I am NOT meaning to be difficult, really I’m not. This drug is just so weird.  Everything was way too funny or made me bawl my eyes out. At one point I was laughing at something Robb said and then it turned into crying. He didn’t know this because I had my face covered with my blankets. (Although if he reads this he will now)

I will say the highlight of my day was getting to go have lunch with my Beautiful Friend Emily. I needed that and I am so grateful to her for meeting me so we could just chat. Get me out of my head for a while you know.  She also just got a pretty cool new car, so that was fun to look at.  I am sure our lunch was well over an hour but it was so worth it to me.

Today is payday Friday. And Friday the 13^thso I guess the HUGE scare I got this morning was well deserved. My Aunts Boyfriend stays at our house when he is in town for work. I had totally forgotten about that, so when I was taking me time getting ready, and buying my Photo Op, I started to hear noises like someone was in the house. I KNEW it couldn’t be Robb because he had left already, I almost called out to him. Either way I watch way too many scary movies so I just stayed quiet and sat as still as I could. People who call out or go look DIE in those movies so I knew better. I was so relieved when it was Thomas walking down our entry way.  So he and I ended up talking for a while and I got totally side tracked and left for work and left the babies outside.  Of course I didn’t even realize this until I was ALREADY at work. So I waited it out for a bit for traffic to die down, rushed home and put them up. I felt SOOO bad. But I also fixed it so I can’t get in “trouble”

I really cannot believe I forgot about my babies. I know they are only dogs but I just feel so worthless and like I am going to be such a horrible mother because I can’t even remember to bring the dogs back in. To make myself feel better I am 110% going to blame it on Thomas distracting me and the added hormones.

Have I told you how sweet the ladies at work are? Just a few minuets ago Joyce came into my office and said “ I know you are going to think I am crazy but God just told me to come hug you” and then she gave me a huge hug and said I just know it will happen for you. And then yesterday Heather said this to me “I am praying so much that this round of Clomid works for you. It breaks my heart to know what you are going through. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone and you are going to be a wonderful mommy. “Isn’t that just the best thing to hear when you feel so unlike yourself?

I truly have so many things to be thankful for. I just know I have to keep powering through all this and good things will come. It’s just the being here now part that is difficult.  I have such wonderful friends that are here for me as well. And they do make this easier for me. I am so ready for this month to be over so I can get whatever results from this challenge and KNOW where we need to go from here. 

 Jan is the head nurse at my clinic, I missed her call this morning but she said that my Day 4 blood work was in and that my FSH level was 4.4 which is normal and my Estrogen was 29 which is “ok” but that we won’t really know anything until we get blood work back from CD21. And I haven’t done that yet so I still have some wait time.  Although the way she said “was ok” has me a little worried.

This weekend we are going to see the Blue Man Group at the PAC with Brandon and Krystal so I am looking forward to that. And I guess I have boot camp tomorrow morning at 9am. I don’t know why I say I will do those things. I hate working out. I KNOW I need to but whoever wants to work out. Sheesh not me that’s who! I really wish I was going to see Luke Bryan tomorrow night but we were never able to find ok tickets for a decent price.  Again concert snob here and I don’t want to sit up high and I also am not going to pay WAY over the face value I just won’t. People are jerks who do that. Extra $50 I get but $200-$600 more? Come on you need to be punched in the face. It’s just rude you CLEARLY didn’t pay that much for them and if you DID then you’re an idiot and again should be punched in the face.  Woah didn’t see that little tangent coming on but that’s the beauty of hormones.

TGIF. 

XOXO

 

Starting Day 3....

Well I can honestly say we are not off to a good start. Lets back track shall we....

Monday was day 1 of the "Clomid Challange" and it was a little harder than I was hoping for. I *think* most of it was just because I was on my Lady Time but none the less it was awful. I was in so much pain I felt like I couldn't breathe and then I was nauseated all day. I don't think or feel like I was mean or rude to anyone but I also kept my door closed most of the day.  When my work day was finally over all I wanted to do was be home and cuddle with my Husband. But was than an option? NO! He was sick, I know I sound totally selfish here but I just needed him to hold me and not to be sick and locked away in his office. It just made me so sad. I didn't even know what to do with myself. Almost everything was so out of Wack for me. Mostly I just missed him. like a LOT. He DID however let me shop for 4 tops online, so I cant wait to get those in :) I needed new shirts! Also they get new stuff in everyday so I already need more. I really do! :)

http://www.themintjulepboutique.com  This is the site if you wanted to check it out. Super cute dresses and tops! 

Tuesday was day 2 and it was so much better. I had a ton of energy, was in the BEST mood like ever! and I was just Rocking it. Theme song for the day was "Power" by Kat Grahm, Couldn't stop listening to it. I got so much done at work, re decorated my office, had lunch, didn't feel sick or anything. Came home saw my lovely husband and even helped him work on the patio! ( Patio story to come later but I painted and we put in paw prints :) )

then we went to Taco Bell, Watched Big Brother ( worse season EVER!) and then Duck Dynasty! I am pretty sure it was the hormones but I could NOT stop laughing at this one scene on the show last night. I mean I was dying. Robb at one point said " I've seen that episode of 1,000 ways to Die and some one died from laughing too much, i'm getting a little worried" I just had tears rolling down my face. I wish I could find a clip of it. ( just looked and no luck) So see everything was great. (http://www.aetv.com/duck-dynasty/video/termite-be-a-problem-47512643626?pfilter=ALL%20VIDEOS  this is the link to the full episode from last night, the parts with Carla and Willie just killed me. you really have to watch this if you have about 30 mins to spare.)

Come bedtime, it just wasn't happening. and the dogs think they just own the bed. and Robb does too and snores so loud. I got ZERO sleep, I'm pretty sure my temp this morning is just a waste because I know I didn't get 3 straight hours of sleep. So I am pissy and tired and look like hell and still have to manage to make it through a full work today. All I want to do is go back to bed and just be left alone. I really need to go get ready for work, take day 3 and get it started. Lets hope for a better day than this crap morning I have had. I might just go get me a Pumpkin Spice on the way to work if I can get ready in time. Which I didn't.. Ballz!! 

Here is a quick calendar peek :) 

I also still really need to go get that envelopment from Silky. Need to get on that gender revel. Speaking of I need to call my step mom on the way to work today. ( she didn't answer of course ugh!)

I will leave you with my current "Power" song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4ahjTmkFBw

My lovely office WITH a door I can close

I have a wonderful new job, and I can say it honestly challenges me everyday. I have never worked this side of the mortgage business. It's all new to me. But all the ladies here are so kind and helpful. Plus I get my own office! Which right now is really nice. I'm getting a printer in my office soon so I had to move a few things around. Anyhow this is what I come to everyday! And I love it. 

Lots of pictures make me happy :) 

The new printer will go over here, so I have to get up and move several times a day. It will be good for me 

My pretty picture behind me! And I love it!! Like chose this over a Paris picture so if you know me that's kind of huge! Plus my mirror is in front of me so I can still see it! See that planning ahead. I'm a thinker lol 

Cute clock that I can't for the life of me get to keep the correct time. Still cute so it stays... And lastly I have the "H" my BBF made me over the door. It's like I have her watching over me. 

See closed door! So awesome :) I just need like a tree and a sofa table and I think I'll have this place just perfect for me. 

That's all for now 

Xoxo

Its funny because its true.

I know there are a TON of blogs out now about all the struggles with infertility. and yes this very will may just be another one of them, but I promise that is not all I will talk about. There is a lot more to me than just wanting to have a baby. I have lots of amazing friends. I myself am a pretty good friend if I do say so my self. I love being a wife. I care deeply about animals. ( as I have 3 dogs) Which I will post about later on. But this post I just wanted to show the lighter side of the struggles we have to go through. So I hope some of these make you laugh because they did for me. At least a smile. 

Fertility Challenged for one?

It’s started.

 

The one thing I was hoping we could avoid, but no longer. I have had all these hopes and dreams of becoming a mother and making my Wonderful Husband a Farther. It just isn’t fair how some drunken girl can have a one night stand and BAM! Become a mother.  When this is something I want so bad it hurts. 

Literally it hurts; all the time. I know that I have “problems” my grandma even warned Robb (thanks for trying to scare him away gma) that I may never be able to give him a child. Has that ever stopped me from wanting? No! Do I deal with pain all the time for the SLIM chance to MAYBE become a mother? YES! 

Every month I want to just rip out my ovaries and stomp on them, surly that would hurt LESS than what I feel for 7 days (on good short cycles) and then have a dull achy pain for about 20 more days. Not to mention how bad my boobs hurt. UGH. It’s a lot to deal with. I’m already super emotional and touchy about the subject. 

 

Ohh you would like an example? Sure. About 2 years ago we went to dinner. Just a normal night. I was enjoying my somewhat gross queso but who are we kidding all queso is good, just be happy you have some. Then the booth behind Robb is sat. It’s this super cute little family, Mom and son on the side closest to Robb and on the other side cute dad and the most adorable daughter ever.  I honestly don’t even remember what she asked her dad. But I just lost it. I started tearing up for no reason. Robb turned around, then looked at me and said “do you need to go sit in the car?” so yeah touchy MAY be an understatement. I WANT to be a mother.  I can FEEL it in my bones.

 Why isn’t this happening for ME?

As of today I seem to be the last of my girlfriends that want children, who are without. Some are even starting to work on their 2^nd child. I’m not bitter. Really I’m not. I am so happy for them.  I want to be a part of it, I want to help I want to be there.  I am happy to be the shower thrower, the baby sitter ect. But when I do find out it breaks a little piece of me too. This is a double edged sword. I hate that they are scared to tell me because they know it hurts me.  I don’t even know how to explain it. It just hurts. So so much happiness for them but so much loss and pain and WHY not  me.  When will I get to know that? Anyhow, so that’s a little back story of where I am.

 

Childless table for one? *raises hand*

 

Robb is being so amazing about this all. He is staying completely neutral. Almost annoyingly so. But I know he is doing it to protect me. He said we both can’t be a mess. And if I saw any pain of loss in him because I’m not able it would just kill me.  Seems like it would be easier on me if *something* was off on his end as well. But no such luck. Just crappy uterus and I.

 

Today Officially starts the “Clomid Challenge” for us (ah-hem me, who are we kidding, Robb’s not doing anything right now). Saying I am scared to add this hormone is an understatement. I am told this makes women crazy. Poor Robb doesn’t need any added crazy. And they have you do this WHILE you’re on your period. Umm emotional overload.

 Here is the breakdown of what’s to come for me.

 

Today: Monday September 9, 2013, Blood work, one vile. Not too bad. Still stings a bit could have been worse.

Tomorrow –Saturday, (9/10-9/14) take two tablets for a total of 100mg of Clomid. ( crazy train coming to town??)

Monday the 16^th More Blood Work, start OPK’s again

Tuesday the 17^th or CD12- Saturday the 21^stor CD16 “ST” ( my bestie and I call this Sexy Time 

Thursday the 26^th last set of Blood work.

 

In a perfect world I would be pregnant from all of this. Well I would have ALREADY been in a perfect world, but just go with it.

So that’s the update folks. Prayers, good thoughts/vibes, baby wishes are all welcomed and gladly accepted.

Fingers crossed this will work. I will try to keep updating as I deal with this next chapter. It might be funny or full of a lot of tears but I WILL get through this! 

 

I know this isn’t a super happy post but this is what’s happening right now and I felt I needed to document it so when I do become I mother I can look back and laugh at how crazy I was about making this happen.

 

XOXO,

LaceyBugg!