So many things!!!

I clearly haven’t been keeping up with the updates but you know it’s hard to do so when we have so many things going on. But let me try to get the last two weeks(ish) in.

 

The weekend of the 19th we did in fact go hiking, and it was “fun” very pretty. I have a hard time with heights and a lot of the views were from a little high up than I like to be. Jess, Nick and Robb were all over the trails while I tried to stay on more solid level away from the edge ground. But we did have a good time. Then later that night after all but me had fairly long naps we got back together at Robb and I’s house and made burgers and had a little fire out on the patio and then watched a scary movie.  I had already watched said movie and totally fell asleep during the movie. But it was a wonderfully fun day with friends. I am so happy Jessica has someone so sweet to make her feel how she should have always been feeling?

 

Mom was gone to Kansas to see her babies so we had the house to ourselves until Wednesday. When we got home on Wednesday she was home and the house was already cleaned again. (Not complaining at all) I did/do feel bad that we can’t let her have her dogs with us but she has seven and we already have three and it’s just against so many codes/laws ect… I think I might let her have ONE at the house. I know it would make her a lot happier.

Thursday the 24th we had this “huge” HOA turn over meeting. Let me just say wow. I was flooded at how passionate these people were about the homeowners being in charge of the HOA for our neighborhood. Let me back up a bit. It was also my Mother in laws birthday so we all met up at The Boston Deli and had dinner. Robb’s Family is so cute. I just love them all. But we had to leave early to make it to the meeting. And then when we got there late, we parked on the total wrong side and had to walk pretty much the entire TTC campus to find it. Anyhow back to the crazy. I had only half paying attention because I saw a guy in there who looked JUST LIKE a guy I went to high school with. I mean it was his TWIN! I kept telling Robb I swear I know him. But there was just no way someone I knew from HS lived in my neighborhood!! And holy crap it was! I was so shocked and excited! And he isn’t that far from us either. I don’t know how we haven’t run into each other but Woah! So cool! Then we got home and watched TVD! J

 

Then Friday the 25th was the Keith Urban Concert. I am called a “concert snob” and you know what ok I will take it because the 300s are MISERIABLE!  Heights and I do not mix well. Now that that’s been said we scored two FREE tickets to the concert we both thought we were not going to get to see.  I posted kind of as a joke on FB about if anyone wanted to give me their tickets I would gladly take them! And our good friend Mark messaged me and said I could have his! Not in a million years did I think that would work! Sadly they were in the 300s! But I told Robb for FREE and Keith I am going to try! I think it was a great concert but I am not entirely sure I honestly don’t remember, I just know I was quite tipsy and tense and OMG WHY IS THIS SO HIGH UP!!! I am so grateful to the amazing friends/family I have now otherwise we wouldn’t have even been able to go. So for a last minute we get to go I don’t think it could have been any better.

 

Saturday was fun. We all got up and went to Dicks to get some Discs for Disc Golf. We headed to Einstein Bagel to get breakfast to have in the car on the way to the park so we could play this game.  I had never played before and I sucked! But I did at least finish the game. You really play 18 holes and it’s hard. But we had a good time, we even took mom to play with us and she had a lot of fun. I finished dead last with a score of like 126 or something to the winner 74(ish). I might play again but it was tiring. We went home after that and napped. Then got up got ready and started out night. We had a family dinner we needed to swing by before we did our actual planned plans.  It was nice to see some of the family. We were only able to stay an hour but it was still nice. We left after a huge family picture then headed to the Fosters.  Leah had been trying to get us to go to dinner with them at this place in wagoner called The Pink House. (We thought it was in Claremore so good thing we rode WITH them) I really don’t know what took us so long to go eat there but it was worth the wait! It was AMAZING! The food was just awesome. I am already looking forward to going again. And it’s haunted!!! The staff was super sweet and shared some of the “ghost stories” with us then let us sneak to the upstairs to check it out. We didn’t stay up there long it’s just so still and way to quite up there. We took a few pictures and headed home, all in yummy food comas. I went to bed as soon as we got home but Robb stayed up and hung out with Kyle for a while.

 

Sunday was a super lazy day. I caved and got mom an e-cig so she would calm down. I asked her to make us a meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner and she did and it was so good! I can’t wait to have it for lunch today! I really don’t know what we will do now when she leaves hahah she is taking such good care of us.

 

I promise I will try to update more often. Until then XOXO

 

So CUTE!!!

I know she will kill me but seriously how cute is Silky pregnant? I just love it!

My Poor Husband

 
So my mom has been staying with us. That alone explains the title of this post. A crazy back story I don’t care for the world to know about but it ends with my mom is staying with us for the next month. I love my mother I do, but I have always kind of thought of her as more of the wild crazy sister you don’t really hang out with because your anxiety will go through the roof.  It’s also harder to make a baby when your mother is in the other room. It’s just odd….  But there have been some positives, she has been cleaning the house and doing laundry and making dinner so that we do love. And to be honest it’s nice to feel like I actually have a mom again, even if it’s only for 30 days.  Robb said “it’s funny how it only took 28 years for her to start acting like one”.  With Daisey being sick it also is such a blessing to have mom with her while we are at work. I know our dogs are being taken care of and watched and played with. It would be nice if you would learn to work the TV however, having to show her how to turn it on and off every day is getting a bit old but I bite my tongue and show her again (or have Robb do it)
 
Mom came to stay with us on Oct. 9th and the 10th is when Daisey got sick so yeah again with the perfect Gods timing even when we didn’t think we wanted it to happen.  He knows what we need and when we need it. I just wish he would let me know when it will be my time to become a mother.
A lot has happened or at least it feels like a lot has happened from the last depressing post. I am now 28, gosh that sounds so old. Friday night my wonderful friend Emily came over and had some wine and brought us all dinner for my birthday.  Our friend Dinah is married, we went to her wedding on my birthday and I saw a few people from collage that I haven’t seen in a very long time. Lizzi Looked beautiful and Brent married Dinah and Frank, he did a wonderful job. 
 
Monday we upgraded my phone to the new LG G2, and I feel like an idiot because I don’t really understand how to work it yet. The iPhone is so easy that this one has a pretty big learning curve. But it’s really pretty; I should get my phone case tonight. It’s a silly one but it’s the only one I saw that had the little lip on the front to protect the screen.
 
Last night we went out to have my “birthday dinner”. It was Stu, Michael, Robb and I.  We went to Joe Mommas so I could get the Betty White Pizza. I mean really if you haven’t had it yet you NEED to go try it. Then we came back to our house and played a few games. Then I went straight to bed. It was only like 1030 but I was worn out. I had a really hard time getting out of bed this morning too.
 
Tonight starts “Go Time” for Robb and I. We will need to be active every other day until the 21st and that’s when my next round of blood work will be. I am having a hard time remembering to take my temp this month as well. I’m starting to get annoyed at myself. I need to get back on the ball with that. I also need to pick up some more OPK’s.  I think I will have mom take the dogs on a walk or something so Robb and I can have some “alone time” and not feel so weird about trying to make a baby.
 
Saturday we are going to go Kicking with our friend Jessica, she found this really pretty place about an hour and half away and it has a little waterfall so I am looking forward to that and Sunday is the last two softball games for “fall ball”. So it will be nice to not have to work around Robb’s Sunday plans. I will try to post some pictures form the hike Saturday when we get back… until then  XOXO
 

Beyond Humbled

I know my last post was about as sad as it could be, and I will say that is probably the saddest I have been in a very long time. I am so so happy to announce Daisey is ALIVE!!!! She is doing a lot better. The blockage passed so no worries on that part of her little body. Her left lung is still collapsed and she only has 90% use of her right lung but the vet said it’s a really bad case of phnemonia. They think she will regain use of her left lung as well. We just have to be careful with her.  She has 3 meds she is on right now that she has to take twice a day and she now has to eat wet dog food, which I don’t think she is minding too much.  Friday was such a hard day that morning I was making plans for what we were going to have to do if she did pass and what are we going to do about all the bills and then at about 3:30 my husband called me to give me the (what I thought would be awful) news. Let me just say God is the ONLY way to explain her getting better and us coming into some unexpected money at the exact right time. They didn’t think she was going to make it through the night and we didn’t either she was so bad. But we were praying so much and my friends were praying for her and us for healing and by golly did he answer. We received pretty much the EXACT amount of what our bills had come to at that point.  It’s just so amazing how it worked out. I am so beyond humbled, grateful and thankful that he came through when I needed it most.  Robb stayed strong for me through all the tears and anger outbursts and all the “it’s not fairs”. When we really needed GOD in this very hard time and he showed and made wonderful things happen. GOD IS GOOD. I know it’s so easy to forget in bad times and I am so guilty of that. He wasn’t punishing me but showing me how great his love is when you put trust in him. And in the last hour I had put everything to him and he delivered. Thank you just doesn’t seem like enough but he knows how thankful I am. I just wanted to update all who read (not many I’m sure).
God is Good!
 

Am I being Punished?

I don't even know where to start. words don't help, I know what we need to do vs what we want to do. I don't even understand how this happened!? What did I do that was just so wrong? I truly feel like God is punishing me, but for what?

This morning or well yesterday now I suppose the day started with such promise. Then it took a nose dive we were not ready for. In short I don't know how much longer Daisey Mae will be with us. I know she is "just a dog" but she is MY dog, she is my baby. I cant/haven't had children yet and Daisey is my child. and God is taking her away from me. she is fighting so hard for us, and i know she isn't ready to go, but the surgeries she may need to save her could kill her. and she isn't a good candidate for surgery anyhow. so the likely hood of her surviving are slim to none. I asked the vet on the 1-10 scale and she said 2. In just a few hours Robb will take her back to the vet to have an ultra sound done on her to see if maybe we can have some hope, and as positive as I want to be, I just have an awful feelings the outcome is going to be very bad. I am not ready to say goodbye to her. I'm just not. I can barely see I've cried so much.

What did I do that was so awful to not let me be a mother? and take my little baby from me. and to just put the cherry on top tomorrow is my birthday. I know that "life isn't fair" but could I just catch a break? I keep telling her how much I love her and it will be ok. she just looks at me like she wants so bad for me to hold her like i always do but she is so weak she isn't moving a lot and she cant breathe so when she does move it just breaks my heart more.

I am not strong enough to be there if we do have to put her to sleep. What would I even say to her? How would I make HER feel better when that is all she has ever done for me. How can I be strong when I just feel so broken and lost. Every fight Robb and I have ever had Daisey shared the tears with me, made me feel loved. Made me better. I have never loved a dog like her in my adult life. I just don't know how I will handle her not here.

I know she has had an amazing life with us. We have spoiled her, Robb takes her to work, she is the one who ALWAYS gets to go on car rides ect... so I don't feel like she ever had it bad with us. I just cant do this. Not right now, I am not ready. There were no warning signs she was FINE last night, playing and being my little girl, and then today happened. I just don't understand, I don't I wanted to find that one perfect photo of Daisey and I but I can't seem to find it. I thought I had one. So I just wanted to put a few I did come across while I was in here breaking down.


  This was one from when we first got her              I got this sweater for her at the affair of the heart with
    It is one I have always loved.                                 grandma and I just loved it on her.
 
             Me and My Sleeping Angel.                                      Her Christmas Photo, Such a pretty girl
 
         See what I mean, Spoiled.                                               Me and all of our babies together

My wonderful Husband and my Favorite Dog.

Yes we will still have Duke and Ranger, and Duke is half of Daisey so I am so so thankful to be able to have that. Its just not the same. If you ever came over you would know. She is just my Girl. The odds are stacked against us, but please pray for us. For healing for her. This isn't how her story was suppose to end but I have no control and we cant keep her in pain for our sake. She deserves better. I will forever ache for her. 

All dogs go to Heaven, right? I mean dog is simply GOD spelled backwards. 

I love you so much Daisey Mae

Weekend update...

Well the hopeful didn’t last long; about half way through my Friday It became evident that I wouldn’t make it the weekend.  Case in point Saturday is CD1. So much for being *THAT* lucky.  Friday was hard, I know it’s not professional to cry at work but I couldn’t keep the tears from falling.  I was strong enough to finish out the day as bad as I wanted to go home and crawl into the black hole of despair.  We also had dinner plans with my dad for his 50^thbirthday so I wasn’t allowed to fill sorry for myself long. Which I guess is a good thing. Forced me to move on from the sadness faster than I would have, had we had no weekend plans. 

 

Dinner was nice; it was fun to have part of the family together. Game night was going on at our house as well so we came home to some games with good friends. I also grabbed some Pumpkin Harvest Beer and really just KNEW it was going to be amazing. Yeah I had maybe 3 sips before I gave up on that one. If anyone wants the 4 that are left they are 100% yours. (bleh) Saturday we went to the fair again, watched the FULL dog show, grabbed some deep friend garlic mashed potatoes, another deep fried fruity pebbles bar, some friend mac and cheese and two lemon-aids way less food than our first trip that’s for sure. The cramps were thankful we didn’t overdo it. Ohh I grabbed some Pumpkin crunch and some pumpkin turtles to take home too. Also the movie “Gravity” came out and really any space movie my husband is 100% about so we went to see that in imax 3D, I wasn’t a fan but he loved it so I am glad we went.  I like when we do things he actually loves.  He always does things for me and things I want to do, so it’s really nice to see him pick out something to do. Even if he has to wake me up to go see the movie.

 

Sunday I went house hunting with a friend while Robb ran in his words “a million errands”. He also made me his ham and pea risotto, which is amazing, you should have it.   I kind of guilt tripped him into making dinner but I am glad he did it either way. He left for New York at 4:30am for work and has been gone since. I spoke with him yesterday (Monday) and he isn’t sure when he will be back so you know super sad about that. Fingers crossed he is back for my birthday.

 

Monday I had to call Nurse Jan and tell her that I had started, good news is I only have to do day 21 blood work on round two, bad news they upped the dosage from 100mg to 150mg. I don’t know that just seems like a LOT when someone else is only on 50mg. I guess I need it and if it works it will 100% be worth it. I start taking round two tomorrow morning. I am sure Robb wants to stay gone so he won’t have to be on the roller coaster that is clomid again, but I need him to be home with me to make me feel better.  Plus I have to be on this on my birthday this year, so yeah I would just really love to have my other half with me.  I was going to plan to have a birthday dinner at Sonoma on Friday but I just really don’t think I will be up to it with the clomid and all. I don’t want to be a crying fool or total B!t$H to any of my friends accidentally.  I guess we will see how well I handle days 1 and 2 of I think I should be out in public.

 

 

That’s it for now.

Ohh the food we will eat…..Tulsa State Fair 2013

If you have ever been to Oklahoma, I feel we are known for taking something seemingly healthy and frying it. Pretty much anything you can think of we will fry at the fair, and then stand in line to try it. I of course and guilty of this, the way I see the fair as an adult is food and people watching. I couldn’t remember the last time I actually rode a ride at the fair. Sadly after this last “Fair Food Trip” I don’t think my stomach is as strong as it used to be. We both felt pretty awful after our trip. Fun, however was had.

 

Let’s recap all the crazy food we ate and things we did.

 

First stop was the “Everything Bacon” vendor, here we had Candy Bacon and Cheesy Bacon Bombs, this was also our last stop where we had Chocolate covered Bacon, Bacon Wrapped Chicken Kabob with Fries and Porkabella Kabob with Hummus and Pretzels.  EVERYTHING from here was good!

I also had to get the Cajun Fried Pickles, Grilled Corn, and Pepper Jack Cheese on a stick.

 

Krystal always gets this steak dinner that is amazing so she got that with the parsley red potatoes, green beans, grilled onions and mushrooms, while I just went for the steak and potatoes. So delish!

 

I am pretty sure one of my new favorites is the new Deep Friend Fruity Pebbles! It for real tasted like a fresh from the oven strawberry cupcake with some crunch! I will more than likely grab this one again when we go this weekend. Trust me we will get WAY less food the second go round.

 

Have I mentioned how afraid of heights I am? Because I am, and my Darling Husband knows this but he insisted that we ride the lift thing… that takes you from one end of the fair to the other. Yeah I am not a fan at all, but he said he would even pay for all three of us. This meant he really wanted to; so I caved and we did. I am just not a fan, as you can tell from the picture…. On the second round after the dog show it was less traumatic but still not so great. Robb spotted the Spaceship ride and we both said we used to love that ride, so for the first time in forever we rode a ride and left with major headaches, it was a lot more intense than I remember that ride being.

 

So here ya go, our little fair excursion. JWe plan on having the deep friend garlic mashed potatoes and not much else on our second and last trip to the fair this year.

We bought a frisbee for Ranger and Robb got to throw it for one of the performing dogs! :) 

Second go round I made Robb promise not to shake the ride so I was a little better 

Hopeful with a shot of worry

 So I am hopeful because today is the say that my cycle should start all over again, I worry because this is really too good to be true.  I am trying not to let my hope run away with me and then be super let down, I mean there is just no way it would work first go round? Can it? I mean has that even ever happened? It would be SUCH an amazing birthday gift. I tear up just thinking about it.

 

My nurse Jan called me a few days ago and said that my day 21 blood work came back, and that my progesterone level is a 12.67 which is consistent with ovulation, so if I haven’t started by day 35 ( which isOctober 10, two days before my birthday) to test! But if I do start to give her a call and we will start all over.

 

My stomach has been hurting me the last few days, not like cramps hurt but like weird uncomfortable hurt, I think it’s just my fatness getting to me.  But today my boobs are KILLING ME. And it’s a huge stretch but a friend of mine who just had a baby said one of her pregnancy symptoms was the sides of her mouth cracking and I have one! And yes it hurts but it COULD be a sign.  Haha I know I sound like a crazy person, I just want this so bad. I feel like I did everything I could RIGHT this time around, I was a big girl when I had to get my blood taken, I owned that clomid! ( ok well maybe it owned me but this is my blog and we will just believe that I did good) Not much news other than that. But I felt I needed to document it, even if I do start at least I know I felt close to having a baby. That almost a mother feeling.  If it were to happen it just couldn’t be any more perfect for us. And the timing would just be AMAZING on many counts. I can’t say those counts but it would be the biggest dream come true for me. More than a trip to Paris after seeing a taping of Ellen. ( Yes to me that’s HUGE)

 

I so badly want to make Robb a father; I wish you could just see him with kids. He is made to be a dad. I know he will be the best daddy there ever was and I want to be the woman to give that to him.  Ok now that I’m tearing up I will leave it at that.

Until the next hormonal update…XOXO

 

This may not look like a lot but it is!! And it's not the most fun ever to do either 

The next round is waiting on me just in case... Fingers crossed it goes in the trash